make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
