He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
