she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
