yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
