I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
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Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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