just survived the first fart of the relationship.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
