i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
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