how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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