i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
