You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
