this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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