Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
