He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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