ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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