Me. At least after what I've been through.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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