Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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