Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
