she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
