i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
i've created a new STD.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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