He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
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plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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