Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
