: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
