I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
