did you get engaged???
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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