took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Randomize
