I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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