is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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