No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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