singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
