how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
