she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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