Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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