At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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