I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
