I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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