dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
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I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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