I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
