So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize