She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
