girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
