I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
