hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
