been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
