i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
