I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
