What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
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As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok