My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I licked your asshole in confidence.