I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.