found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All I want is dick and wine.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
