i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
