Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
