so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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