So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
no, he came in my armpit
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This is my gift to your gina
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
