The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
