ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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