You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
