Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
