I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
