before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
