I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
