we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
