apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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