I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
