I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize