Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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