Don't make out with my wife yet
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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