just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
