You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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