Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
