Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
