im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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