I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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