i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
