there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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