After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
