proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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