thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
