so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
