I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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