Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
