I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
